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My Mental Health

As it’s Mental Health Week when this article goes out, I thought I would talk about it from my perspective.

Ever since last year, when I tried to promote mental health with videos and articles I found online, I have become more aware of my own mental health than ever before.

In the past I was the type of person who would try and not trouble people with my thoughts as I didn’t want to bother my friends with my ‘trivial’ issues. But I have learnt through sharing what’s going on in my mind, even if not a lot can be done, just the act of sharing is helpful just to help sort out my own thoughts to a more manageable size to deal with. Having thoughts ‘trapped’ in my own head isn’t always a good thing and I tend to replay scenarios in my mind over and over again which isn’t always healthy to do – but I know I am not the only one to do this. 

During 2020, the year we have had this terrible virus consuming the planet, with comic cons cancelling, it gave me time to reflect on what comic con means to me. I have mentioned in previous articles or Podcasts that I enjoy the presence of other people in my life. I missed just interacting with people, chatting with people, creating lovely photos, and having general fun in the process. The flip side from all of that is I haven’t missed locking myself away in my room, spending time in front of my computer furiously editing countless photos, and trying to get these photos edited. I think I will be finding a balance between editing photos and having a social life or taking more breaks. 

It was because I have missed the social aspect of comic con that I decided to launch a podcast. While the main mission of the podcast wasn’t anything to do with my mental health as I had aspirations of starting a podcast for many years I found when speaking on a podcast talking about mental health with my guest Andy, when it was his turn to ask me about my mental health, I was pleasantly surprised how much the podcast has given me a slice of social interactions. I didn’t expect to happen when making these podcasts but it was definitely a bonus. I have found that I’ve spoken more to my guests and friends on the podcasts than I did at comic con and it’s lovely to hear my guests speak so passionately about each topic I set on the podcast. 

I still have ‘good’ days and ‘bad’ days and I’m currently going through a ‘bad’ day moment as I write this. I still somewhat bottle up my feelings and thoughts but I am learning to tell people who I trust about what’s going on, and I know that I’ll be listened to and I won’t be judged for it. 

A lot of my bad days are self image, about how I appear both physically and well as my personality. There is an element of me which enjoys being a showman but I do know I go over the top and that my personality can be full on. I have tried to tone down this personality side of me but I forget where I am or who I am with and just come out as naturally as I breathe in and out air. 

This year, I’m slowly learning to love myself for who I am and what I am. I know I will overstep the mark with friends, I know I’m loud, I know I’m actually not as big, fat or ugly as I think I am but I want to love everything about myself not just the ‘good things’ about myself.

Another thing I’m experiencing which has been exacerbated this year, is “Fear Of Missing Out” or FOMO. I see so many people getting out there planning shoots with people, people going out and about enjoying life, people getting the vaccine. However, for me, I’m stuck at home, waiting by the ‘bat phone’ to go off from people wanting to shoot with me. Maybe that no one wants to shoot with me cause I’m not good enough or I’ve not been a good enough person? I know in reality there are a multitude of reasons why someone doesn’t want to shoot with me, the distance to come to London, no finished cosplays, no time as they’ve gone back to work, etc. I am looking forward to getting back out and about so do get in touch if you are near London and want a free cosplay (or non-cosplay) shoot.

It’s been a challenging time for me. I’m not suggesting what I’m going through is more than any other person is going through. A lot of this after thinking and chatting to a friend, are just trivial things but in my mind, they are issues which have been played over in my mind and blown up or I don’t seem to have a resolution to the situation or simply my interpretation of the scenario. Bad days are often not about the one big thing, but lots of small things building up.

After having said that I have benefited from talking with friends whom I have gotten close to over the last year and sharing my thoughts with them, I found that I’m making the effort to be more communicative with other friends and on my social media accounts and feeling a more positive outlook on life. I feel safe and not judged with the friend I have surrounded myself with. 

Should you be struggling with your wellbeing and mental health and need someone to talk to, here is a list of services that we hope can help you.

  • Mind Info Line 0300 123 3393 (Mon – Fri 9am to 5pm)
  • Samaritans 116 123 (everyday, 24 hours)
  • C.A.L.M. 0808 802 58 58 (everyday 5pm to midnight)
  • HOPElinkUK 0800 068 4141
  • YoungMinds www.youngminds.org.uk
  • Anxiety UK 08444 775 774
  • BEAT – eating disorder 0845 634 1414
  • Local Services (NHS Choices or NHS 111)
  • Student Minds www.studentminds.org.uk
  • Boots Domestic Violence
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